So… about six months since my last blog here.
Perhaps it's a cycle I go through, but I think I'm landing at exactly the same point I was three years ago: trying to make being part of a community work for me, but it doesn't…not really. I am forever feeling like a round peg being forced into square and triangular holes, designed for other people, or for parts of me that I'm not.
I failed miserably at a whole raft of worldly activities in the past six months. Whether it be work, or elsewhere, I'm not finding myself to be very good at many things - particularly when it comes to the responsible things of life: paying taxes, submitting expenses, doing the regular things that other people find easy…I find absolutely dreadful to do. A man quit on me at work citing me as the primary reason for leaving, and my boss tells me that I really am no good at my job. That was all right before Christmas…
So I gave it a thought over the holidays… Added up my strengths, my liabilities, my assets -- literally and figuratively -- and found that I'm not so bad after all -- but I make myself bad. I allow stupid fears to prevent me from living life to the fullest.
Then, returning to work in January, it's like a completely new world to me. I have caught up on all administrative issues, as if there was no problem at all. Work things are starting to break nicely, and while there are profound challenges still, I am dealing with them.
It's simply the journey that matters, to be in life, but not taken back by life.
wayfaring on...
Perhaps it's a cycle I go through, but I think I'm landing at exactly the same point I was three years ago: trying to make being part of a community work for me, but it doesn't…not really. I am forever feeling like a round peg being forced into square and triangular holes, designed for other people, or for parts of me that I'm not.
I failed miserably at a whole raft of worldly activities in the past six months. Whether it be work, or elsewhere, I'm not finding myself to be very good at many things - particularly when it comes to the responsible things of life: paying taxes, submitting expenses, doing the regular things that other people find easy…I find absolutely dreadful to do. A man quit on me at work citing me as the primary reason for leaving, and my boss tells me that I really am no good at my job. That was all right before Christmas…
So I gave it a thought over the holidays… Added up my strengths, my liabilities, my assets -- literally and figuratively -- and found that I'm not so bad after all -- but I make myself bad. I allow stupid fears to prevent me from living life to the fullest.
Then, returning to work in January, it's like a completely new world to me. I have caught up on all administrative issues, as if there was no problem at all. Work things are starting to break nicely, and while there are profound challenges still, I am dealing with them.
It's simply the journey that matters, to be in life, but not taken back by life.
wayfaring on...
