On Conversations about Faith Crisis

I think a lot of us struggle with how to converse about our journey amid faith crisis with our traditional believing LDS family, friends, and church leaders.  Often, traditional believers want us simply to come back to traditional belief and set aside our doubts -- to "doubt our doubts" and retrench into reading, praying, and attending -- and all will be well.

Oh, if it were only that easy!

In contrast, when we come to realize that the dominant narrative of our whitewashed history and "the prophets cannot lead the church astray" is not true, then we feel compelled to share our perspective with our traditional believing friends and leaders, in a hope that they'll understand why we are having such challenges.

And the moment we open our mouths to question the dominant narrative, they stop listening, and we've gone into a different kind of relationship -- one where we hide our true feelings, "tolerate" each other, or simply part ways.

Is there a way through this impasse?

I believe there is a Middle Way through this -- a way of conversing about our faith journey in a way that helps our traditional believing friends understand us better, and helps us feel more inclusive and included with them.

Empathy requires us to put ourselves into the position of the other, to feel what they feel, to look back at ourselves through their eyes.  It's obviously a mutual process, but we cannot ask others to be empathetic.  We must learn to speak in a way that they understand.  We need to use the language of faithful Mormonism to express our journey as "part of" a faithful Mormon journey, rather than a "transition away" from true belief.

How do we do this?  How do we *honestly* talk about "faith crisis" while using terms, concepts, and language of Mormon faith?

I believe that the doctrines of our church have the answer to solve this riddle.  I do not believe we will get anywhere with using the framework of "faith transition" as a descriptor of what is going on.  Instead, I would like to frame the discussion in terms that the most faithful LDS not only would accept, but would embrace fully.  And the way to do this is to frame what is going on in terms of core doctrine and scripture.

What is the purpose of life according to LDS doctrine?  We often say that this mortality is a test, where we will be "proven herewith".  When we view that test in terms of a "final exam" -- a "judgment" -- it puts all of us into the form of judging ourselves and others as being "unworthy".  But when I studied the concept of the Trial of Faith in depth years ago, I discovered that the "trial of faith" is not a "test" in the way that we use the term.  The Trial of Faith -- the entire purpose of this life -- is *refinement": We are to be made pure by refining the gold within us: our divine nature.

So the first thing I would do is frame "faith crisis" as "trial of faith": we are going through an essential process that will bring us closer to god.  It's not a test, it's part of God's plan for us.

Second, I would try to make clear that the trial of faith is not successful if we revert to our old ways of thinking.  Again, Mormon Doctrine comes into play here: we are on a path of eternal progression -- we learn, line upon line, and precept upon precept, to come closer to god and understand the principles of the gospel.  As we go through our trial of faith, we will discover things that no longer serve us: teachings that while may be useful for us initially, have no longer served their purpose.

I would bring up at this point the entire blacks-and-the-priesthood thing.  Before 1978, many people in the church felt that this was God's plan, and framed the inequity as being a deserved, chosen position from the premortal existence.  Bruce R McConkie was a primary proponent of such thinking, yet when the revelation came out in 1978, McConkie recognized that they all spoke from limited understanding.  Perhaps the entire blacks-and-the-priesthood was a kind of trial of faith for the whole church -- the outcome of which was not to harden our position, but rather, to seek revelation from god, and when the church was ready for it, it received it.

Third, we need to understand, fully, that our purpose in this life is not a test of obedience, but rather, to learn through our own experience to distinguish good and evil.  The Garden of Eden narrative in the temple is case in point.  Unlike other Christians, we celebrate Eve's decision to partake of the fruit to make progress happen.  Without it, they would never have progressed. But it's important to recognize that "be fruitful and multiple" and "don't partake of the fruit" ended up being an impossible situation to obey both.  So Adam and Eve counseled together in their trial of faith, and made the best choice they could.  In so doing, they learned through their own experience to distinguish good and evil, and were stronger because of it.

We need to resist the urge to judge others on their choices amid their "trial of faith".  Some of us will leave the "Garden of Eden" of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Some of us will refuse to partake of the dogma of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (aka, "correlated doctrine").  These are all very tough choices to make.  If we stand by our doctrine that free-agency is the very essence of our humanity, we need to realize that each one of us is faced with choices, and one size -- or one choice -- does not work for everyone.

And lastly, I think we need to teach the principle of Love as the Connecting Principle of the Atonement.  We need to embrace the diversity of our culture rather than force conformity.  Heavenly Father has given us differing gifts -- this is in our scripture and doctrine -- and we need to embrace love for one another -- active, practical, practicing love for one another -- as the core of LDS doctrine.  This means that we lift each other's burdens, mourn with those who mourn, and comfort those standing in need of comfort.  Love never fails -- our Relief Society motto.  When we embrace god's unconditional (perfect - teleios) love (agape - the pure love of Christ), then we cannot exclude or excommunicate anyone for their lack of belief or for whom they choose to love.

So why bother with all this?

I truly believe that our "trial of faith" is more than a "faith crisis", and is definitely not a "faith transition" from one kind of faith to another.  If anything, the refinement of our faith is part of our "Plan of Salvation", of eternal progression, where we are not static beings, but those embracing higher principles as we grow on this journey of eternal life.

We have not lost our faith.  Instead, our faith is being refined -- we are growing closer to a personal relationship with god, while setting aside those things which no longer serve us.  This is a cause for celebration, not pride or arrogance, but of deep gratitude for this amazing journey.

Not everyone is at the same point in this journey.  As we embrace a more inclusive faith, we need to as well, include our traditional believing LDS brothers and sisters as neither against our journey, nor inferior to our place on the journey.  We need to find that which is in common, and realize that in loving and serving one another, we can grow together.

When we speak in supportive love to our friends, family, and leaders, we can grow together in that Love.  We need to set aside our own angst and language of faith transition, crisis, and nuance, but rather, share values through our common Mormon language and doctrine.  Then, and only then, will we change hearts and minds: both ours and theirs.

And we then can become One.

How we connect, spiritually

If you have ever watched a flock of birds prepare to migrate, they start chaotically, but eventually, they begin to operate with one mind.  Hence the addage: birds of a feather, flock together. 

How this works is very subtle, varies in mechanism from species to species, but in all cases, there is a subtle nonverbal communication between them whereby the individual bird connects nonconsciously with the flock.  And, because the mechanism and signals are species specific, only birds of the same species recognize and are comfortable with these signals.

Humans are no different.

There is within us and birds another mind, located and driven by the brain's limbic system, that is capable of communicating and connecting with others at an emotional level, without our conscious mind's awareness.  I am going to call this other mind "our spiritual mind", because it really is about something our conscious mind cannot do.  It's like having a full-time companion with you.
So, when we interact with others, sometimes we 'connect', meaning that we really do communicate together, and other times we don't. When we connect, the reasons for connection are not obvious to us. What's really at play is that our spiritual, limbic mind is actually having a non-verbal conversation with the spiritual, limbic mind of the other person. 
How does this happen?

Within the limbic mind is the amygdala, the seat of our emotions.  Our eyes, ears, and olifactory are connected to our minds in two distinct neural pathways: one connected to our cerebrum--the seat of our conscious mind, and the other to our limbic system, the seat of our spiritual mind.  As well, our facial muscles are dually controlled by parallel pathways to both our conscious and nonconscious processing centers.  The center of primal emotion, our amygdala, uniquely manages our hypothalmus, the master control center of our body's internal systems.

Our conscious minds are connected with our limbic, non-conscious minds through our senses (sharing sensory input through dual paths), through our memories, and through our emotions.  Through these three means, our two minds can 'talk' to each other, but not really in 'thoughts'.  Ideas may present themselves, and emotions tell us that something going on with the other person is right or wrong by your own emotions. 
But our limbic minds do more than just express feelings within our brains.  Because the limbic system is connected to our face, eyes, and to our entire endocrine system through the hypothalmus connection to the pituitary gland, it communicates outward our innermost feelings.  In effect, when we feel stress, our body rhythms change, we sweat, we emit odors, we express emotions in our face -- the vast majority of which cannot be controlled by the conscious mind.  Our internal feelings about the other person and things we're talking about are being expressed to the other person through our very subtle signs.  And the other person is not consciously recognizing these subtle signs, but his or her own limbic mind is.  In other words, no matter what we might try to hide, we are going to reveal our emotions to the other person, and vice versa.  Our limbic minds, operating completely independently from our consciousness, will betray us, if we are not authentic and connected within ourselves.

The key to this communication is recognizing our own feelings, and to be centered in our emotions.  We might say the amygdala has a set of positive emotions: love, certainty/the feeling of knowing, and joy.  It also has a set of negative emotions: hate, cognitive dissonance, anger, sorrow.  Emotional intensity is often very closely matched with both sides: great love often turns to virulent hate when a person feels betrayed.  While it is not feasible to be emotionless, Confucius advised for us to be 'centered' in our emotions, to find the peace in the center, and from there, authentically emote as indicated.  When we are feeling strong emotion, and it is driving us to a place we don't want to go, then it's time to sit back, meditate, center the mind and heart, and then choose more cautiously the emotion that fits the situation.  While this may seem hard, through training and meditiation, it's possible.

So, when we connect with another person, we can choose to be authentic, to know our own feelings, and to express them as appropriate to the situation.  As well, we need to listen to our own emotions in the conversation.  Our limbic mind may be telling us that there is something amiss in this person, and if we follow the subtleties of feeling as our gut indicates in a conversation, real connection between people is possible.

The Wenzi text says there are three types of listening: one, listening with the ears, which is just hearing what is being said without understanding.  Two, listening with the mind, which is understanding what is being said, but does not fully embrace it.  Three, listening with the spirit, which is to really feel what the other person is feeling.  How do we do this? by recognizing that our 'spirit' is really our non-conscious mind, that is communicating with the other person, and by centering our mind, really allowing our spirit to tell us what the other person is feeling.

When we connect spiritually, we feel something amazing.  We feel a comfort with the other person, we feel happiness, and we feel love.  These are the primal positive emotions of the amygdala, the core of our emotional being.  And when we feel these things, our brains, our senses, our hearts are capable of truly understanding and being 'one' with another person. 

As I look at the flock, and the unity with which the flock seems to have a 'spirit' together, so also, when humans spiritually connect, they are one.