Sunday, February 16, 2014

Life Happens

So… about six months since my last blog here.

Perhaps it's a cycle I go through, but I think I'm landing at exactly the same point I was three years ago: trying to make being part of a community work for me, but it doesn't…not really.  I am forever feeling like a round peg being forced into square and triangular holes, designed for other people, or for parts of me that I'm not.

I failed miserably at a whole raft of worldly activities in the past six months.  Whether it be work, or elsewhere, I'm not finding myself to be very good at many things - particularly when it comes to the responsible things of life: paying taxes, submitting expenses, doing the regular things that other people find easy…I find absolutely dreadful to do.  A man quit on me at work citing me as the primary reason for leaving, and my boss tells me that I really am no good at my job.  That was all right before Christmas…

So I gave it a thought over the holidays…  Added up my strengths, my liabilities, my assets -- literally and figuratively -- and found that I'm not so bad after all -- but I make myself bad. I allow stupid fears to prevent me from living life to the fullest.

Then, returning to work in January, it's like a completely new world to me.  I have caught up on all administrative issues, as if there was no problem at all.  Work things are starting to break nicely, and while there are profound challenges still, I am dealing with them.

It's simply the journey that matters, to be in life, but not taken back by life.

wayfaring on...

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